Drawing a Hungry Blank
I’m drawing a blank almost. A lot happened this week that has influenced and challenged me; however, I find words escape me or I’m unsure of how to wrap what’s happening inside me into words.
A friend gave me a beautiful gift, a stamped pendent necklace. “God will not have His work made manifest by cowards.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.
She gave it to me at the beginning of class. This acting class is challenging me to see, listen, and live differently. To be willing to be lost, relinquish control, explore, and to trust what God has placed inside me. I’m being called to be courageous. I trust my phone, watch, car, the floor beneath my feet, the chair I sit on, the traffic light, etc., very easily. These objects are man made, and yet in moments I doubt myself, who’s divinely made. Who taught us to do that? Where did we learn that from? Maybe it’s from previous mistakes, bad decisions, etc., that led us to the “safe,” choices and false surety. No one’s iPhone has ever messed up I bet. Hmmmm… So maybe we need to give ourselves some grace and mercy.
During class, my attitude has once again surprised me. I struggled to wrangle her (me) in. This struggle is coming from the change/evolution that I am going through. Change is uncomfortable, it’s outside the comfort zone.
Wherever there’s expansion there’s resistance. – Diana Castle
I imagine when a caterpillar becomes a butterfly some part of the process involves pain. That was my initial thought, only because, well changing isn’t easy. I then looked this up, the caterpillar actually has to digest itself. Read about it here.
Evolution is necessary for us all. Some people suffer from being unwilling to change, and some suffer through change. And I’m sure the “suffering,” is partly up to your perspective.
The gift from my friend, led me to an essay, that in 2015 reads like a small novel, by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Self-Reliance.” I found the whole thing to be thought provoking, I needed a dictionary, and I gained a headache. I’m not sure if the headache was from thinking too much or too hard, either way, I’m enlightened and enriched from it.
“…Discontent is the want of self-reliance: it is infirmity of will…” – Ralph Waldo Emerson (Self-Reliance)
I encourage you to read the article, it’s thought provoking and perspective challenging. Oh and to be clear, I’m not complaining, I’m honored, humbled and grateful for this change, because God didn’t have to give me the opportunity to grow.
“He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and He prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more.” – John 15:2 NLT