Dreaming to be or I am . . .


I didn’t really dream about being a wife when I was a child per say, I just kinda figured I would be.  That role would be mine without question.  This isn’t to say that when I was an adult and dating Mr. Lindsay, I wasn’t dreaming (specifically) of I do’s, proposals, and saying Courtney Lindsay out loud to see how it would sound, etc.,  Lol!  But since 4 or 5, I’ve dreamed of being an actress.  And about a year ago, I discovered a funny error in that.

I don’t pretend to pray for my husband, I pray, when he has a cold, I care for him, when he’s making me laugh (which is often) I enjoy ever breath and tear of it.  I enjoy and accept all of him, and my role of his wife and best friend.

We receive and do, the joys and responsibilities of our roles and positions.

“Are you really doing what you say you’re doing or are you just pretending?” – Elaine Williams

I came out here in 2010, and began pursuing acting for real.  I didn’t even really know what being an actress all entailed, which was fine, when I found out, I pressed in.  Word of warning, if you think something is simple, think again, and if you find that it’s hard, just accept that as part of it, and then it becomes simple to accept that it’s hard.

We rarely know what all a role (any role in life) requires of us, and it’s ever changing, because we and the people around us are ever changing.  And thus, commitment is paramount.

I do the things that actresses do.  Some do more than others, and more is sometimes more, and sometimes more is just busy, but I was still dreaming to be an actress.  I had not accepted that I was in fact an actress.  When the question, “What do you do?” comes up in conversation, and you find yourself shrink a little, there may be an acceptance issue.  Not that you’re embarrassed to say you’re _______, but they you may not have enough on your resume, to say that you are a(n) ______.

Now, if you tell stories, go out on opportunities, study, attend class, have headshots, submit yourself on casting sites, have performed in different plays, films, etc., is that enough to be an actress?  It’s not enough to think and say to be, but if there is a doing, be confident enough to say and think that you do, what you do.

I think there is a necessity in owning our roles and positions.  Too many artists (whatever your art may be, and whatever stage/level you may be at) fear they will be called a fraud, and too many are seeking validation from the wrong sources (people, achievements, or awards).

Some things you must claim, not wait for it to be given or acknowledged.  If you sow, you reap.

I am an actress, with dreams of doing plenty more, and God willing, I will do more.

“I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was.” – Muhammad Ali

“And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that breadth it.” – Habakkuk 2:2

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?  Or am I trying to please man?  If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” – Galatians 1:10

“If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” – John 15:7

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” – Colossians 3:23

“May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us; establish the work of our hands for us – yes, establish the work of our hands.” – Psalm 90:17

“All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.” – Proverbs 14:23

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” – Philippians 1:6

“Do not be deceived: God will not be mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.” – Galatians 6:7

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” – Hebrews 11:1

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