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Embarrassing…l’eggo my eggo

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Confession time, I had an attitude in class on Monday, and not the good kind.  Acting class is an environment for creativity, openness, play, supporting one another in storytelling and vulnerability.

I like to do what I want to do, when I want to do it.  Two of my peers were performing, after their first take of doing the scene.  I couldn’t hear them too well, and decided, I have this time,  I’ll journal, I’ve been wanting to do that for a while.  Off to journal town I go.

Nothing is wrong with journaling, it’s healthy, fun, helpful, etc., but everything has a time and place.

After my peers finished, my teacher called me out on it.  This isn’t the embarrassing part.

He told me (paraphrasing) that I could learn from watching their body language, that this is a time to elevate others above myself, to practice the muscle of focus, that we are to be active participants in storytelling by sharing our time and attention.  Now, he didn’t say all of that, that way, but basically all of that.

And you know what I said…nothing, out loud. My mind went on a rampage, kicking over chairs on the inside!  I pay to be in class, I can choose how to use my time when I’m here, I’m journaling, not hurting anybody.  See how graceful I was at accepting correction.

Now, I knew I was wrong, but pride wanted me to be validated and right!  Right to be upset, and to journal or do what “I,” wanted to do.  Well, pride and I were wrong.

So after calming down internally, I started reflecting on what he said.  I do need to work on my focus. (check out Dave Ramsey’s article & equation).

It’s not ‘all,’ about me. In fact I’m sure, it’s healthy to focus on others, besides me all the time.  My peers deserve my full support and attention, I paid for a set amount of time to learn, and I’m not doing that by journaling, checking email, instagram, etc.  I pay for what they’re teaching and they admitting me into class with the thought I want to be there.

I should be where I am and who I’m with.  It’s not fair to be partially with someone, I’m undercutting their value, missing out, and wasting both our time.

My prideful interior moment was embarrassing, and I’m thankful for the correction.  If Steve didn’t care, he would’ve let me continue to miss out, and hurt the group.  And I’m thankful he’s a bigger person than me, because when I got up there for my scene, he continued to teach me.

Good teachers are constantly giving, even when their wisdom is thrown back at them.  They don’t retaliate, they forgive (even if there’s no apology), and they continue to teach, because they care more about the student learning, than their own ego.

So that’s what I learned, let go of my ego, so I remain teachable.  Ha! That just made me think of the old slogan, ‘l’eggo my eggo.’

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others.  Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.” – Philippians 2:3 NLT

Focused intensity / time (God) = unstoppable momentum

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