Regrets and Moderation

Definition of regret


transitive verb
1a to mourn the loss or death of
b to miss very much

2to be very sorry for 

  • regrets his mistakes

transitive verb has two characteristics. First, it is an action verb, expressing a doable activity like kick, want, paint, write, eat, clean, etc. Second, it must have a direct object, something or someone who receives the action of the verb. … Cleans, loads = transitive verbs; dishes, items = direct objects.

Trans – “changing thoroughly”

Most of us would rather not think about our regrets, say we don’t have any, hope in vain to forget them, or hopelessly and unsuccessfully excuse them.  If you have none, that’s awesome and congratulations (although, my eyebrow is raised at you).  If you have some like me, those experiences have shaped and changed you, and I’m learning from mine.

The thing is there’s nothing we can do about the past – heal from it, learn from it, grow from it, but we’re powerless to change it.

Here’s a simple regret I’ll share, I never really participated in going to high school football/basketball games.  I went to one or two, didn’t stay the whole time, and I honestly wasn’t interested.  In short, I feel like I missed out some special high school moments, memories, and nachos (there’s an age to eat these whenever you want…it has passed lol).

I repeated this in college.  I hadn’t noticed I missed the high school game opportunities.  What was I doing with my time?  Nothing too memorable that I’m aware of and maybe I’m only aware of it, because I enjoy watching sports now, go figure.

Here’s another regret – I use to lie to my orchestra teacher weekly.  I would turn in a slip of paper saying I practiced 60 minutes…I may or may not have forged a parental signature.  (My Dad reads my blog, it was my Mom’s signature…mostly)…so moving along quickly.  I regret that I lied, even though at the time it felt easy and harmless since most to all of my classmates were telling the same one (we sounded terrible and I suppose there’s comfort in camaraderie – but just because there’s comfort, doesn’t make it right or beneficial), but the real regret is that I cheated myself out of growth in playing my cello (yes, Chelly the cello is in our bedroom now…she’s huge and my husband wants her to pay rent for all the space she takes up).

When thinking about these regrets I look at my life today, because as we know humans can be creatures of habit and repetition is all too easy to happen in a different form and be the same.

What are the basketball/football games?  What’s the cello practice?  Is it the beach and the park days with my family? Is it getting together with our friends for just game nights & dinner?  Is it practicing that monologue or reading that play?  Am I utilizing all the resources around me or truly giving my best and all?  Sometimes, you have to ask yourself . . .

“Are you really doing what you say you’re doing or are you just pretending?” – Elaine Williams

If you’re not getting the results you want, to avoid regret, maybe do an evaluation.  What stones have not been turned over?  I’ve been out here for 8 years and I have not reached my goal in acting.  So, this year I’ve started doing things different.  I’ve done years of training, commercials, plays, etc., but I want more growth and not just in talent, but in opportunity.  So it’s time to stretch and get uncomfortable.  I’d tell you more of what I’ve been doing lately, but I’m on a new thing…talk less, do more.

Now, if after your evaluation you’ve found some new doors and windows to try awesome.  And don’t just moderately try…

I’ve been thinking everything in moderation might just get you that – a little bit of everything in moderation.  And perhaps you don’t want moderate success, but high success.  When I get cake and ice cream, I want a moderate slice of cake and two large scoops of ice cream.   I don’t want balance or moderation in that equation.

It’s easy to judge the fitness professional who competes as vain, overbearing, too strict, etc.  He/She is the one who goes to their friend’s birthday dinner and doesn’t order anything, because nothing is within his/her diet plan.  They pull out a tupperware container filled with cabbage, plain grilled chicken, broccoli, and brown rice…no salt.  Sounds extreme, but the goal he/she has doesn’t have room for moderation, not if he/she wants to make it in time for the show, or make it at all in a timely manner.

Definition of moderate

1a avoiding extremes of behavior or expression observing reasonable limits 

  • moderate drinker

b calmtemperate 

  • Though very much in favor of the measure, he expressed himself in moderate language.

2a tending toward the mean or average amount or dimension 

  • a family of moderate income

b having average or less than average quality mediocre

  • wrote moderate poetry to the end of his life
  •  —Carl Van Doren

3not violent, severe, or intense 

  • moderate climate
  • moderate winters
  • cook over moderate heat

4professing or characterized by political or social beliefs that are not extreme 

  • had left-wing, moderate, and right-wing candidates vying for the nomination

5limited in scope or effect 

  • His new wealth had only a moderate effect on his way of life.

6not expensive reasonable or low in price 

  • moderate price for a new house

7of a color of medium lightness and medium chroma 

  • moderate red
Moderation almost sounds like you’re unsure of what you want and a way to be comfortable.  And comfortable is fine, as long as you like where you’re at, but if you’re wanting something different or a change, it’ll probably require less moderation, more dedication, and some uncomfortableness.
When I think of the people in history who’s work, accomplishments etc., are valued, helped the most, and inspire the most, etc., they weren’t moderate, in fact some of them at the time were thought to be crazy.  Muhammad Ali, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr., Jesus Christ, Marie Curie, Anne Frank, Mozart, Harriet Tubman, C S Lewis, and this list goes on and on.
I sometimes think we could all be a little more radical, brave and truly dedicated.

I don’t think goals are met in moderation, but with dedication and focus.

“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be enslaved by anything.” – 1 Corinthians 6:12

“Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.” – 1 Corinthians 9:25

“It is not good to eat much honey, nor is it glorious to seek one’s own glory.” – Proverbs 25:27

“If you have found honey, eat only enough for you, lest you have your fill of it and vomit it.” – Proverbs 25:16

“Say not, “Why were the former days better than these?” For it is not from wisdom that you ask this.” – Ecclesiastes 7:10

“I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you.” – Joel 2:25

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