Thursday evening…slipping into night…
I felt stumped, hence the late post. I’ve been walking writer’s block since Monday like I own it. There are drafts of different beginnings, but not fully developed, so no point in posting. Sounds like doubt, but trust I’m fighting. It’s 9pm ish, and I’m ready for bed, but my to-do list is looking at me, shaking its head. Ha that rhymed! I’ve had a to-do list since middle school, that was the first planner. Thank you, but man oh man! Learning to plan is necessary, executing the plan vital (that’s a whole other thing). Why do I plan? It gives me a sense of control/discipline, measurement, and direction. And yes, we should certainly plan, we should write in pencil, and for the believer, be led by the Holy Spirit.
At 24, I thought I was going to have a panic attack in my car. I’ve never had a panic attack (I’ve heard it’s horrible), but that’s what came to my mind when I was sitting in my car, short of breath, mind racing, and all because I realized . . . I’m not in control, and nothing is guaranteed. . .
Talk about humbling. It’s almost laughable now, but it stressed me then. I use to want a day by day guide of how to live my life, so I knew what was going to happen. Amazon has never had it in stock.
But don’t you want to know? It’s unnerving to accept and realize we don’t know. As if knowing would be security? Wanting to know is tempting. Max Lucado in “Fearless,” points out that, Eve was afraid of not knowing, so she ate from the tree of knowledge, versus trusting God, and then the rest followed.
We “think”we want to know, but do we really? When you find out what you’re getting for Christmas, before Christmas day, unwrapping presents isn’t much fun. A lot of my favorite moments were born out of surprise, or unplanned. So perhaps, we can let go of some routines, be open to some spontaneity, loosen up on the reigns of life (trust you don’t have them anyways).
So hope, pray, have faith, be brave, work, learn, trust God, and believe Him, and His love for you. I may not know what tomorrow holds, but I know Who does, and I can rest in Him.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6
“You think you supposed to know everything. Life is a mystery. Don’t you know life is a mystery? I see you still trying to figure it out. It ain’t all for you to know. It’s all an adventure. That’s all life is. But you got to trust that adventure. I’m on an adventure…” – Aunt Ester, in August Wilson’s “Gem of the Ocean”
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. They are plans for good, not disaster, to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. You parents – if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask Him.” – Matthew 7:7-11