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Where Am I? – Part 2

For a long time I had been feeling frustrated and unfulfilled artistically, mainly because I’m not as successful as I want to be yet.  And if I’m honest, I was allowing my emotions of frustration to surpass and trip up my efforts for progression.  It’s hard to be at odds within yourself and expect momentum to happen.  It doesn’t.

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The Price of Gas

She’ll be coming around the mountain when she comes, she’ll be coming around the mountain when she comes . . . Guys, I have a confession, and it’s going to sound pretty silly and absent minded.  Bear with me, and yep that’s proper grammar, and not in reference to an actual bear like Yogi, who knew?  Thanks google.

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Memory Games

She believed she could, so she did.  What do you believe about you?  How are you at remembering?  Your childhood, past relationships, mistakes, laughter, lines, etc.?  Roles and scripts…maybe you’re acting, and you don’t even know it.  We all are to some point, it’s how we navigate in this world (script).  Us and them, conversational questions that aren’t real questions, how are you?  Your line is, ‘good.’  

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Ouch! That hurt…

How do you deal with pain or disappointment?  This is important.  I don’t remember at school or at home anyone really sitting down and telling me, things in life will hurt, this is how you deal?  I was told that I’m strong, that I’ll be alright, and I’ll have another chance.

Maybe that’s why playing sports or board games when we’re children is so important, there’s winning, losing, teamwork, communication, work ethic, progression, etc.  But even in playing these games there are still ungraceful winners and sore losers.  There’s pain and disappointment, because there’s hope and care.  So how do you deal?

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Me time…

If I was her I would…  If I was him I wouldn’t… isn’t it always easier to do or see what someone should do when the pressure isn’t on you.  If only we could stand back from ourselves for a better perspective and self awareness.  Well…
It’s 8:30 in the morning, I’m walking down the steps in tennis shoes, no socks, sweat pants, a sweatshirt, and no bra, it’s too early.  And no 8:30am isn’t early, I slept in, and there’s no need to rush to put on restraining contraptions.  “Do your business,” is my morning chant with Douglass, our dog.
You know those moments, like an epiphany, that’s when it happened. I saw something that had been right in front of me…for like…ever.
Step by step, the Holy Spirit, told me my problem is, I’m not consistent. Two things will stress me more than anything…time, and sleep.  Time dictates what can be done, and sleep, like it or not, dictates the energy I have to do it.
Time – consistency, and efficiency.
 
There is not a lot of consistency in my schedule, in places where there could be.  I would ‘blame,’ my schedule, or that auditions aren’t at the same time, or because my work schedule is different on Wednesdays blah blah blah.  Sounds like excuses to me.  I’ve never had an audition before 10:00am, and there’s a practice called planning, and Wednesdays come every week, so no surprise there.
Two areas in time that need to be disciplined are the time I go to bed and time I wake up.  If I’m not borrowing time from tomorrow, it’ll allow tomorrow to be easier.  When setting goals I’m looking ahead at what possible hurdles could trip me up.  Setting my phone in the bathroom does wonders for getting up, and for going to sleep, bye meaningless strolling down Instagram lane.  
Efficiency – I do some meandering…like what am I doing taking so long to tinkle…oh I’m scrolling down instagram, reading emails, etc.  NOTHING!!!  Or there’s the moments of being on the internet and all of sudden I’m taking a quiz on which power ranger am I…what?  That adds to my life how?  As I get older, I’m reminded I don’t have forever.
My hope is that maybe this post, will help you, see you.
“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain wisdom of heart.” – Psalm 90:12 NIV